Reckless and stupid affair

Looking back on it, she couldn't believe that she had been so naive...and so desperate to prove her womanhood and independence. It was the only relationship in her life that qualified as a "fling,"
the only time she had ever been swept away. For that man, for no other man before or since, for that man alone, she had put aside her morals and principles and commonsense, heeding only the urgent desires. She had told herself that it was Romance with a capital R, not just love but the Big Love. Actually she had just been weak, vulnerable, and eager to make a fool of herself. Later, when she realized Mr. Wonderful had lied to her and just used her with cold, and cynical disregard for her feelings, when she discovered that she had just given herself to a man who was utterly without respect for her and who lacked even a minimal sense of responsibility for what he had done, so she had been deeply ashamed. Eventually, she realized there was a point at which shame and remorse became self-indulgent and nearly as lamentable as the sin that had occasioned those emotions, so she put the shabby episode behind her and vowed to forget it. She accepted that it was such a foolish and such regrettable decision she had ever made...and adults could sometimes be just as dumb and confused as little kids. It made her want to cry by such foolishness...she just made a complete fool of herself.

(only an excerpt...)

Murphy's Law

Are you also familiar with what we call, Murphy's Law? That If anything can go wrong, it will... and this axiom or statement is generally accepted true. Well, the best thing to avoid this is to find a way to circumvent it or simply avoid it. But sometimes things do happen, and if it does, the best way is to find the best solution and face it head on.

Lazying just right after Christmas...

Yup, am sleeping away my post-Christmas exhaustion just by reading and reading in bed until I get tired and put my weary mind to slumber. I just can't find time to think about what to blog. My mind is not working I guess. Yesterday I went out just to buy another book on sale. But to my dismay I didn't find any Sidney Sheldon book on the shelves. I just had one Leigh Nichols' TWILIGHT. FYI, he is Dean Koontz so I just grabbed it for posterity reason. I have had the latest TWILIGHT in my book collection but I still grabbed it when I saw it since it was a rare edition when finally LN decided to use DK instead. And yesterday, I had these CRADLE AND ALL by James Patterson, and Anne Rivers Siddons' UP ISLAND. This Siddons is my very 1st...and I just can't wait til I get hold the book and get started reading it. But right now, am still enjoying the best part of SS's THE SKY IS FALLING. I only stretch up away from bed when I feel my neck hurting from being a log the whole day. Opening my yahoo emails from time to time and answering some mails promptly and like this...updating my blogsite a little...just for the heck of doing so, for the meantime. My mind is in a sleep-mode...I am so engrossed readiiiiiing. Please forgive me just for now.

Celebrate!

Merry Christmas to all.... :)

Roman festal mood and merrymaking...

In a few hours...come Christmas Day. Whoah! A time to get love...and to give in return...and to share. The spirit of Christmas seems to hone everyone...and everybody is frantically anticipating the day when our Savior was born...when Jesus gave life to our every hopes. A lot of reason to celebrate..families get together to spend the holidays.

to be continued...while am multi-tasking...fussing with my pans and kettle...and everything

A mother's lament...

We're at the mall for some last minute Christmas rush...wheew! I would always feel that heady feeling. I just couldn't take that whirling crowd panorama. It always give me that lightheaded and nauseating feeling. Well, I came across with someone who gave me a brief smile, and I threw this...do I know you and have we met before facial expression. She went in front of me and still I couldn't place who she was. After some exchange of pleasantries, I remember her...the mother of my dau's schoolmate. I felt for her gloom as a mother who have had lost a son. Wow, I felt so guilty that with a very little concerns, I felt like I was sitting on needles. The fast few days I became edgy and very sensitive. I must admit that compared to her agony of losing a beloved child, who's at the prime of his career...with so much dreams left...mine was very simple and petty. While she had lost a son. After that long tete-a-tete, and getting her number, I just couldn't help but gave her a light hug. I pray that God will always give her the courage and strength to be able to go on.

My Immortal

Some good memories of a good father...my hero

A crucial point...

I was on the brink of signing out to rest for awhile since I was as always...multi-tasking again to exhaustion. Cooking...washing some soiled clothes...since it was all done and we have had eaten lunch too...think I have the feel to go back to bed after being up at 5am kicking my legs, while everybody's still snoring in their crib...arghh!
Let's tackle the issue...my daughter's bestfriend, a young guy...2 years her junior is in a gloomy mood. Why? His grandma, on his father's side...btw, I have learned that he still have yet to see his biological father. Both parents are estranged. Poor young boy. The grandma insists that this boy take the journey to priesthood trail instead. This coming semester he'll be going to take up the exams on priesthood which is Theology I guess. I don't know the exact course on this matter. I have a cousin who really must have loved being a priest. He is right now serving his mission in far away Africa. Indeed it's his passion to serve people. But this young guy who has a dream of his own away from what his grandma thinks and wishes for him...is putting the young guy in a selfish box repressing his own true identity and freedom. I wonder how he thinks now that it is only a few months away from now. He will be put in exile inside the seminary that he never dreamt of...an out and out violation of decision making. I just hope I didn't have to push my children like this in any manner. We have the right to choose what we think we like to achieve as long as this won't hurt nor prejudice anyone. For my daughter's friend...I just hope everything will turn out well. Wheew! What a way...to live your life if this is going to happen. Only the person has his freedom to choose what's best for him. Please don't make things harder for our children. Don't make them an extension of our self whims or dreams. We as parents are obliged to help them in the most manner we can do. Do not try to suppress their freedom as long as it is just on the right track. We are here to help and guide but not to implement the militaristic obey-first-before-you-complain rule. Give them a chance to live their lives.

I was there!

Yup, I was one of the spectators who flooded to see them live at Nagoya Dome for their 2008 Lost Highway Tour. Indeed I felt so lucky...and blest too being one of the audience in the nearest arena...I love this band. I love everyone in the group. Bon Jovi...Richie Sambora...Tico and one in keyboard, mea culpa...I missed the name.

I am woman...

I graduated high school from which girl to girl relationship was a common thing. A lot of lesbianism (not that serious one) was accepted...those who went sporty and, as a matter-of-fact they treated me as one...so I took everyone for a ride. I told myself...go with the flow...but honestly speaking I knew all along that I was indeed a girl inside. But my ways, I was kinda tomboyish, maybe because I grew up with strong character. I loved to be with my father most of the time in the farm and we would always talk about things life was made of. He was my hero. I learned a lot of ABC's in life. How to be strong and be principled. So maybe because of this, they mistook that I was indeed a lesbian. There were times that girls would send feelers, but honestly speaking I haven't had had any moments dreaming to be in the company of a woman like me in a suggestive moods or any. I love my preference and I respect my friends who are mostly lesbians. Time came that I learned how to do make up and act rather womanly now because it's the way I feel. Well, that was a choice indeed and I like it that way. Right now I am married and sad to say...my marriage wasn't so lucky at all. After long blissful union...it was marred by a third party and due to some misunderstanding and a lot of differences too. It is quite a painful thing to tackle but I believe I was left with no choice but to accept things as they are. My children will only serve as an anvil of the blows, if me and my husband would choose to hammer each one. Acceptance is the best tool I guess, so I took everything in stride and now it is just a simple matter to me now. But still there were times that I would just breakdown and cry. I don't know...maybe I was badly hurt and bruised inside. I was carried away...but going back, I am telling this that inside and out...I am a woman. And that is my choice.
And indeed I am truly happy the way I veer...away from my friends' preference.



I am woman, hear me roar
In numbers too big to ignore
And I know too much to go back an' pretend
'cause I've heard it all before
And I've been down there on the floor
No one's ever gonna keep me down again

CHORUS
Oh yes I am wise
But it's wisdom born of pain
Yes, I've paid the price
But look how much I gained
If I have to, I can do anything
I am strong (strong)
I am invincible (invincible)
I am woman

You can bend but never break me
'cause it only serves to make me
More determined to achieve my final goal
And I come back even stronger
Not a novice any longer
'cause you've deepened the conviction in my soul

CHORUS

I am woman watch me grow
See me standing toe to toe
As I spread my lovin' arms across the land
But I'm still an embryo
With a long long way to go
Until I make my brother understand

Oh yes I am wise
But it's wisdom born of pain
Yes, I've paid the price
But look how much I gained
If I have to I can face anything
I am strong (strong)
I am invincible (invincible)
I am woman
Oh, I am woman
I am invincible
I am strong

FADE
I am woman
I am invincible
I am strong
I am woman

If you're not the one

Between you and me

I pride myself for being again an ear to listen to someone who in a way became so close to me. A very good friend of mine...a dear heart. It is always an elation if one comes to me and reveal something that seems to be like Damocles sword hanging on his head. Once again, I am always only a positive listener. I only gave him my 2cents worth...and make it sure not to even hurt his pride. I love to be a shoulder to lean on especially if one is really reaching out for help. My friend is a bisexual. And for me, I think he has somehow heaved a deep sigh...now that he has just unloaded that burden. Well...how could I not be a friend still anyway nothing has change at least I've been able to impart some good and uplifting advices that he needed most. And he took it meekly and positively. I have no intention to reveal his identity since I am protecting him and I just hope the confusion will be over. I don't encourage him to develop such...since he too is trying to control everything...to protect his daughter and his work. He is a great guy and I do hope in time he'll get to admit that he has overcome the confusion...if it's still avoidable. But so far...we're not here to condemn anybody.

PS/ To you my friend...I will always be here for you. I am just a text away... **hugs**

Two-spirit in one body

Well...guess what, another male friend of mine did some disclosure just a few hours ago. He is tall with soft brawny frame at 6 ft tall maybe...swarthy...straitlaced if I were to describe him...and very bright and timid. We exchanged text messages until he threw some hint that he wasn't as happy in his life. He has a 2 year old daughter and he plays undercover. I got it right away and asked if he was straight and there's no need to be afraid to tell me because we're friends and all that. Bullseye! He said maybe he's a bisexual. And according to Wikipedia,

Bisexuality refers to sexual behavior with^[1] or physical attraction to people of both genders (male and female), or a bisexual orientation. People who have a bisexual orientation "can experience sexual, emotional, and affectional attraction to both their own sex and the opposite sex"; "it also refers to an individual’s sense of personal and social identity based on those attractions, behaviors expressing them, and membership in a community of others who share them."^[2] It is one of the three main classifications of sexual orientation, along with a heterosexual and a homosexual orientation. Individuals who do not experience sexual attraction to either sex are known as asexual.

According to Alfred Kinsey's research into human sexuality in the mid-20th century, many humans do not fall exclusively into heterosexual or homosexual classifications but somewhere between.^[3] The Kinsey scale measures sexual attraction and behavior on a seven-point scale ranging from 0 (exclusively heterosexual) to 6 (exclusively homosexual). According to Kinsey's study, a substantial number of people fall within the range of 1 to 5 (between heterosexual and homosexual). Although Kinsey's methodology has been criticized, the scale is still widely used in describing the continuum of human sexuality.

Bisexuality has been observed in various human societies^[4] and elsewhere in the animal kingdom^[5][6][7] throughout recorded history. The term bisexuality, however, like the terms hetero- and homosexuality, was only coined in the 19th century.^[8]

Just live and let live!

I have a male friend, but he's a she, a closeted one. One day he disclosed something to me about his preference. He told me he's not a straight guy. Well, I just took it lightly though, careful not to slight him or making him feel off. I knew one when I see one...and said...it your choice, there's got to be no problem. We're not here anyway to condemn people of who they are but how they live their life with other people. If he's respectful and sensible, what's wrong with that? Live and let live, my motto. Then at one time he, and his beau...and me lunched somewhere and we had a great talk. They're both nice and as I believe, the he was also a she...summing it as one example of a G2G relationship. Well the beau is now based in LA...while my friend went to work for Singapore, found a niche there to save his dough and plan for a future reunion with his lover-gay friend. A story of love. Good thing when you're a good and positive listener...they'll trust you...and respect you in return.

Bedrock...

Like a true diamond it describe a person synonymous to something unbroken...of course I mean in spirit. Let us be like a diamond also that is hard, say in principle and in goals. As human, we are liable to err and slide...but if our foundation is something of a bedrock, how can we ever go wrong? As diamond resists blows to such an extent that an iron hammer may be split in two and even the anvil itself maybe displaced. Let not others push you go wrong. Be firm in what you believe is true and real. Because in the end you'll take responsibility of everything, and not the person butting out beside you. Be wary of those who you do business with. Just be safe in your own quarry.

Hiding behind filigrees...

I've been managing eight blogsites all at the same time. It's quite fulfilling but somehow I thought of having this one without carrying my real identity. I just want something like this, different from my other sites wherein my friends knew it was me behind. With something like this, one will want me because they want what I write...and not because they are my friends or playing friends...or whatsoever. No links or not even to promote something. If you want to visit my site and read what I have here, you're most welcome...if not...it's your prerogative and I respect every comments you'll give. Good or bad...
This site is open to those who has problems on any matter. Matters of the heart specially and I am more than willing to be of help...lol...giving you some advices...well good thing if it works well. I hope and pray it will...and who doesn't have one by the way?! Me too...was or had been entangled with lots of problems but when I do give my advices, they were as they said...had been lifted up. Whoah! It's great!
And so...am gonna hide behind my pen name....Diamond
I like diamonds because diamond stays forever.